Golf Lesson a Lesson in Life?

Yesterday I went to a Links for Women event hosted by a law firm I used to work at. Links For Women is a company dedicated to providing quality golf instruction designed by women, for women. The event was held at RattleSnake Point Golf Club in Milton, Ontario and was fantastic. In the morning we had three hours of golf lessons with a ClubLink instructor and, after lunch, on-the-course instruction while playing a nine-hole scramble.

For an amateur golfer, the lessons were much needed and very instructive. Interestingly, I found much of what I was learning on the golf course to be relevant life lessons.

Here are the top five lessons we received:

1. The importance of focus. The morning consisted of several circuits, including club grip, the driving range, pitching, putting and chipping. However my favorite circuit was a talk we received about the mental game of golf. A golfer's mental game is just as important as the physical one, because once you have the technical knowledge down packed, your subconscious can execute the actions without the need of conscious thought. In other words, your body sort of runs on autopilot (ever drive your car to work and not be able to remember the drive itself?). The golfer needs to quiet the mind, turn off their conscious stream of thoughts and just do. Get in the zone and focus.

This is easier said than done. During the lesson I realized I was not focusing, as I had just read a frustrating work email and was dwelling on it, as opposed to actively listening to the instructor. And then I thought of all the times I had gotten sidetracked from a work task that needed quiet concentration. There I would be, working away, until I suddenly got side-tracked with other thoughts and to-do's that popped into my head and stole my attention. What happened to that first task? It didn't get done! Or it took much longer than it should have.

2. Visualization leads to actualization. We were told a story about Major James Nesbeth who was a prisoner of war in North Vietnam for seven years in solitary confinement. Everyday during those seven years he played 18 holes of golf. The game was not physically played but mentally played. It took place at his favorite course and each time he played he took the perfect swings, and played the perfect game. He imagined the weather, the surroundings, his grip, his set-up, everything. When he was finally released from prison he entered a golf tournament and shot a 76, 20 strokes better than his handicap, after not having physically played a game in seven years.

After that story we did a small visualization exercise. Standing up, we were asked to swing our torsos around as far as we could, make a mental note of our line of vision and turn back. We were then asked to close our eyes, visualize ourselves turning farther, then open our eyes and try it again. Lo and behold, after the visualization exercise I was able to twist 50% more than I had been able to before! On the course, I visualized myself taking good swings and straight putts. Now I'm a newbie, so it's not like the Tiger Woods in me came out or anything (far from it!), but I was impressed with my ability after such a short time of practice.

I kept on thinking to myself, if this is how visualization can help your golf game, what else can it do for you in life?

3. You can pick your truth. This wasn't so much a golf lesson as it was an interesting perspective on the way people's minds work and influence their actions. One of the women in my group is married with two kids. While her husband golfs regularly, she golfs infrequently because she can't imagine taking four or five hours away from her family on the weekend. Her husband has no qualms about this. She repeated to us his explanation of why that is: "The difference between you and me, is that you take the kids to the park, do work on your Blackberry and think I'm such a bad mom. Whereas I take the kids to the park, do work on my Blackberry and think I'm awesome! I can do everything!"

To me this story was a reminder that there are several interpretations that can be made on the same series of events. We often assume the interpretation we've made is the right one, but had we chosen another, it could be equally as true. As I learned during our talk on the mental game of golf, the subconscious mind does not know fiction or imagination from reality and the stories we tell it will impact our memories and emotions. So if more than one interpretation can be true, why do we often let our minds go to the negative one? Perhaps those of us who do need to retrain our brains to be more positive.

4. And speaking of positivity, that leads me to the next lesson I learned: If you don't got it, fake it. Our female instructor told us women amateur golfers tend to apologize to the people they're golfing with for their poor skills, before the game begins. She encouraged us NEVER to do this for two reasons. Firstly, telling people in advance you don't play well, will only lead you not to play well - negative self talk and negative visualization trains the subconscious to allow you to fail. Secondly, you have as much of a right to be there as everyone else - you've paid your course or tournament fees and you are entitled to play. So if you don't got it, fake it. People will feed off your confidence just as they will feed off your low self-esteem. And how ELSE are you going to get better if you don't play?

5. Make your own mistakes. It will cost you two strokes in a tournament if you ask for advice, or if someone gives you advice, it will cost them two strokes. Our instructor encouraged us not to listen to any unsolicited advice as it often pertains more to what that person wants to improve on, and less on what is right for you. Besides, if you're going to make a mistake, you want it to be your own mistake, not someone else's. How else are you ever going to learn?


When our scramble was over, the event ended with cocktails and massages. Overall a perfect day away from the office, having fun, being active and outdoors. With the great instruction and hours of practice, I got a little better at golf and a little wiser in life.

Meaning in Discomfort

After an energetic start, my blog has been on a nine month hiatus. I started writing and then stopped immediately. I was so enthusiastic about this new project and yet the thought of actually pursuing it made me uncomfortable and apprehensive. It took me awhile to even ask myself the question: why am I procrastinating here?

I am not an avid user of social media (this statement might sound doubtful after my previous post, but it is true). The thought of putting my writing and opinions on the World Wide Web for everyone to see and (yikes!) publicly critique, was nerve wracking.

My response to discomfort, not only with respect to blogging, but in general (including life changes I want to make, work assignments where I don't know where to start, and confronting others for difficult conversations) is usually the same - avoidance. Pushing yourself can be scary. There is the possibility of failure, criticism, and the lingering self-doubt of whether you're good enough. If you don't try, these possibilities never have the opportunity to come to fruition, right? Wrong! While the result of failure from the action never has the chance to occur, the failure to take action is very real and the thoughts associated with knowing that you haven't even had the courage to try can be really defeating. This has been my experience.


Conversely, it is those moments when I face and tackle discomfort, in which the most amazing things happen and I discover: (a) I'm better at doing X than I thought I was, (b) what's scary is the unknown, and once I make it known by taking action, it's not so scary or bad, and (c) I feel great for having taken a chance on myself. Even if the result is not as ideal as desired, just putting in the effort produces an endorphin reward (it's happening right now!).

I was reading an article in Men's Journal, Laird Hamilton Says: Make Yourself Uncomfortable. The article discusses how putting your body into discomfort can help you become a better athlete. "What separates great athletes from mediocre ones isn’t only talent and training — it’s also how well they can handle discomfort." Reading the article, I couldn't help but think this is also what separates highly accomplished people from the rest of us. Those who can tackle new challenges, stresses and discomforts certainly fair better in life than those who don't. Perhaps the experience of discomfort means that there is an area in your life where you have room to grow. Perhaps it means the exact opposite of our natural inclination of flight - the cause of discomfort is something you need to face.

So alas, I have decided to ignore my ego and apprehension and to follow my intuition to pursue this blog. No more procrastination (although cleaning my closet can probably wait one more night).