My challenge was to (1) read, each morning, the description I wrote in my last
post of what living passionately and joyfully looks like and means to me, (2)
every day do something I am passionate about, and (3) see what happens.
The experience has been pretty amazing because I feel like I
have been really engaging in "conscious" living. I have set an
intention for myself in the past week and a half and I have been actively
working on the intention and observing the results.
On the Passion Side
I have done many things during my challenge that I am passionate
about: Firstly - writing! I have been documented how the challenge was going and I
posted my second blog post for year. I have been cooking, which I really enjoy
and made 3 new dishes that involved improvisation and they all came out
delicious. I went away for the weekend with another couple and we had an
amazing time winery hopping and going to the casino and engaging in meaningful
conversation.
I have been exercising, reading, and working towards my next
career by meeting with a recruiter (this was a big step for me) and doing the
related interview prep work, which required a lot of introspection on myself.
And I have spent quality time with my husband, who I am very passionate about!
I also did a transformative/transcendental yoga class and I
shared fully/participated fully without fear or shyness in what I was saying. I
felt very present and interestingly noticed a theme among the sharers in the
class (we set our intention for the class at the beginning). a) we can all be
hard on ourselves, b) we all want more for ourselves - we want to improve. I
shared about my new-found purpose, that I wanted to use this class to set my
intention for the year to live by that purpose, and I am first focusing on
passion and joyfulness; another person shared he wants to focus on his
health this year, on success in his business but also taking more time for
himself; a third shared she wants to be more present in life and a fourth
shared she wants to focus on what success means to her and not how others
define her success. I found that statement interesting, because I definitely
saw that in myself as well. And our instructor, my friend, reminded us that
people can often make assumptions of how others see things, such as our success
and what we assume may not be true.
On the Joy Side
The first thing I noticed is that setting a morning
intention really fires me up for the day. Every morning when I read my last
post, I felt excited for life and
what was to come. I was in a good mood from the beginning of the day on. I felt
cheery at work. I made an effort to have conversations with colleagues I typically don't have chat with. I participated
in a meeting I didn't want to attend, but I was okay with it. I was increasingly present and focused on the task at hand. All in all, I
felt relaxed, friendly and easygoing. I was also smiling more.
There were also a couple of days where I forgot to read my
post first thing in the morning and I also think it impacted my day as the
intention was not set from the beginning. In reading it later, I did feel a wave of excitement come over me and, almost instantly, I felt more relaxed and
content. Interestingly, however, I did not feel as joyous throughout those
days.
Given my challenge, I was also acutely aware of the times I
did not feel joyous: I am not happy when I feel pressed for time or I am
running late. I can feel upset if I'm not getting the attention I think I
deserve, if things are not going the way I want or expect them too, if people
do not act the way I think they should act and also, especially, when I do not
meet the expectations I set for myself or I feel like I have been unproductive.
On the last point, I often tend to overestimate how much I can accomplish and
then feel disappointed with myself if I do not accomplish everything. Even with
this fun challenge, by the end of day one, I was starting to think I wouldn't
be pursuing enough passion for the day (hilarious, right?!). But it was a very
telling observation as I often use
productivity as a measure when determining whether I had a good day or not.
I also observed how I felt when I was unhappy: anxiousness,
irritability, anger, resentment, worry and being upset with myself. I realized being unhappy has so many symptoms! I also realized my triggers for
feeling unhappy are all things that reoccur in my life. If I can change my
perspective on those triggers, I can change the amount by which I am happy.
It's all manageable (albeit with time and practice, but still)! There is a huge sense of empowerment in becoming conscious that I have
direct control over my happiness levels.
For example, during my challenge, I actively decided not to
use my productivity levels as my measure of a good day and instead focused on
enjoyment and passion. And it's interesting because when I did not focus on how
"productive" I was, I felt happier. However, I did notice every
time I did pursue something I am passionate about, which is productive in
itself, I felt happy and satisfied afterwards. Aha! I just had a realization -
connecting this back to my utilitarian value that I wrote about in my last post
- pursuing passions is productive and
useful as it makes me feel fulfilled and happy! When I stop focusing on
measuring productivity and pursue passions, I am happy.
Also, as if the universe was telling me I am on the right
path - my husband signed up for an evening seminar called Creating Happiness offered by Landmark. It's all about tapping into your power to have a say in your
experience of life and "blowing the roof off" living true to your
transformation. I was hesitant to attend, but decided to sit in on the first
session with him to see what it was about. As I sat there, resistant, it hit me that this class has a direct connection with my purpose of living joyfully -
how could I not sign up?! So, I did
and am looking forward to see what unfolds over the next four months.
Joyfulness is a choice
I learned while doing this exercise that I really can choose
how I feel. I can make a conscious to decision to be joyful and lighthearted
and consequently I will feel joyful
and lighthearted. But it is a decision I have to actively make - and I need to
continually make it when things don't go my way. When I am unhappy I can choose
to put it aside and be happy. Yesterday I was running late for work and feeling
extremely stressed about it. Once I hit the subway, I read my purpose and my
last post and I instantly felt better. My whole demeanor (physically and
emotionally) changed. I was, once again, joyful, relaxed and present.
Lastly, while I was trying to focus on happiness and passion
this past week, I inevitably was pursuing the other elements of my purpose
too - connecting with others, having that spiritual connection during the yoga
class, challenging myself by writing and introspective preparation for my interview... intentionally living life the way I choose to. My actions are all
interconnected. Having the guiding purpose so far is really making the
beginning of my year amazing. I can't wait to continue this year!
